In Defense of Doubt

Americans love certainty because certainty connotes self-confidence. And it's true, uncertainty may be founded upon lack of confidence, in turn founded upon feelings of worthlessness, shame, or even worse, self hate. So there we have it, the downside of doubt. That being said, why does worthlessness have to make us feel, well, so worthless? Why can't we objectify our feelings and know, with certainty, that emotional reality, even the most time-tested, certain, real and true reality, is ultimately, only an illusion? But when it comes to worthlessness, nothing feels more emotionally certain than that worthlessness itself. It is so easy to collect evidence for everything we do, say and think erroneously when we pass through periods of intense uncertainty. And then, too, misery begets misery; once we get on that misery train we ride helplessly through an alarming, never-ending trajectory of our detailed failures and mistakes. The ride is fast and dangerous; we can't jump off. The train won't stop. Unfortunately, for those of us who have suffered from intense uncertainty, doubt, even when we're strong and confident, recalls those feelings of worthlessness and uncertainty. The discomfort of being in an uncertain moment, particularly if uncertain moments are familiar from early childhood, puts us on that train again. The frailest among us are the ones who most dismiss the doubt, fearing, as they do, descent into misery and worthlessness once more. I wish I could soothe the aching heart that lives in misery. I wish I could calm the frustrated soul for whom doubt recalls an earlier misery. I wish I could say "Worthlessness will pass. Doubt expands consciousness. Doubt makes it possible, finally, to question misery, and to glimpse a different way. Doubt makes you strong." How marvelous that we must be strong to overcome weakness, and yet that certainty can be a weakness and doubt, a strength.