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Let's face it, nothing works perfectly to stop sibling rivalry. Most strategies are designed to get the kids to stop fighting, but they never will completely. Which is why we have to switch from thinking about how to get the kids to be nicer, better people, and focus instead on our own SURVIVAL!!!

Here is the main problem we have with sibling rivalry:

UNPLEASANTNESS

We see our wonderful, sweet, well-brought-up children behaving HORRIBLY towards each other. They are rude, inconsiderate, mean, nasty, and generally as negative as they can be towards each other. It is upsetting.

More than anything, our dismay about how unpleasant our children get is what makes us crazed. To feel better, I offer you the four leading strategies on how to deal with sibling rivalry, with tips on how to use them - not for the kids - but for YOU. To help you survive their unpleasantness. Just follow each link below to read up on the strategies and how to use them.

But for now, I want to offer you some comfort. Your unpleasant children are not such terrible people. They are just....negative. Negativity is so human. This is a sobering thought, but sibling rivalry proves how natural it is. We can be competitive, enjoy it when someone else is down, want to feel superior, want to be left alone, not like to share...you name me almost any negative human quality, and I will show you how it manifests in sibling rivalry.

To survive the reality of sibling rivalry, we have to accept how flawed our natural human nature can be, and stop wishing we had nicer kids. Our kids are nice. They are just enjoying being negative, because it's fun. So we have to learn to have some fun with it, too.

As you brainstorm how to tease your kids about who is meaner, perhaps giving them prizes (as in "that takes the cake!") you can also do some friendly story-telling, so that they can gain some perspective on their own human foibles.

During a calm moment, when the spirit moves you, a story might be told about how at the library, you told them to stop squabbling, and somehow, this led to even more, louder fighting! This is a very interesting story! It usually has a Part II and a Part III, too, like that you got madder and gave a consequence, and then, someone started crying.

Children can learn a lot about how they work and how their parents work from the stories that are told about their lives. Your kids might get more interested in the story than in fighting, sometimes. They  might say, in favor of squabbling, “Mom is going to get upset with us if we keep fighting right now. Then she isn’t going to want to take us to that shop we like. And then, we are going to get upset and then she’s going to get even more upset.” As siblings get even older, stories can turn into discussions during which problems are processed more directly and maturely.

Maybe sibling rivalry is here to stay, but if you can talk about what happens in a neutral way, at a time when the children seem able to listen for more than just a minute, you can at least come to terms with it more, and some of the disgust, impatience, intolerance, aggravation and general fed-upness that we have about it can ease a little.

Now, here are the links to the four top methods for dealing with sibling rivalry, with tips on how to use them for your own survival.

Best Strategy #1: Let them work it out.

Best Strategy #2. Command them to stop squabbling 

Best Strategy #3: Teach them to be nice

Best Strategy #4: Analyze the Family Dynamics